Hermit Life or Live in the Public Eye?
This is my inner debate…
Part of me wants to be like Henry David Thoreau in Walden: live in the woods, leave social media, work with my hands, read, and write.
Another part of me wants to embrace the internet: building in public, filming and recording on YouTube, writing on my blog, and sharing posts on Instagram.
These are very different lifestyles. TBH, the hermit's life sounds more peaceful. The writer in me wants to unplug, live in silence, and just write all day long. I would write a thousand novels. Whereas, living in public feels braver and more connected; it requires the ability to tune out the noise as needed and learn to not care what people think. It also feels more connected.
I don’t have an actual answer to this dilemma, other than so far, I want a bit of both. One of my favorite writers, Chelsea Bieker, is only on Instagram when she’s promoting her books. She deletes the app when she’s writing her next book.
Another one of my favorite authors, Tana French, is not on any social media platforms, and it seems like her website is managed by Penguin Random House. She doesn’t have a blog.
Other authors like Amanda Montell and Jessica Knoll use Instagram and TikTok constantly to stay connected to their readers.
So…there are a lot of options. Nothing is required, not even being on social media. My friend Amelia Hruby talks a lot about this on her Off the Grid podcast, which I recommend if you have an urge to leave social media.
I have to contend with this paradox all the time: I love being a hermit and introvert, and yet I still choose to be a writer under my real name. Part of this inner dilemma is privacy, but more than that, it boils down to…
Being seen
When I crave being a hermit, it’s not just the silence that I crave, it’s the part where I am hidden, away from being seen, judged, or any form of internal or external noise, like wondering what people think or if I am embarrassing myself.
But the deeper part of me knows something else: writing and sharing is a gift. It requires bravery. And it’s more fulfilling to be seen than it is to hide.
Let yourself have different seasons
We can be in public online and still have “hermit mode.” Here are a few things I’ve done when I need to step away:
Stop writing blogs or sending out newsletters for bigger chunks of time as a break
Delete Instagram and update my bio with ‘off IG for a bit’
Put my phone/computer away for several hours or days as needed
Delete social media while on vacation and only share about the trip once I’m back
It also helps to have many offline hobbies:
Getting absorbed in a story whether it’s a book, show, or movie. This is like a bath for my brain.
Making something with my hands like baking or cooking a meal
Cleaning or organizing around my house
Self-care activities like a workout, shower, bath, or getting a massage
Talking with family and friends
Going to the stores to shop
Try sharing something and know you can always delete it
I often have a hard time knowing when or what I want to share. When I was first dealing with symptoms of an illness that is currently chronic, I wouldn’t have shared about it. But after a few years and learning a lot, I am more comfortable sharing about it. It’s still not easy; it’s vulnerable. People might judge me for developing these symptoms, or judge me for how I choose to handle them, but I think all the time about posting a blog about how I healed myself and that motivates the hell out of me. So…why not share the journey? If I can share about it when I’m perfectly healed, why can’t I share about the messy middle? I can’t hold off until life is perfect to share my perfect advice with the world. That doesn’t exist. But I can provide value from where I’m at today, and that’s the reason why I write. I also take solace in the fact that we can experiment with sharing about something and can always take it down. I’m not Beyonce! There’s a freedom to that. I can post something and then take it down. It’s okay to try and learn.
What if this is just one big, long experiment?
I don’t have an answer as to what is ultimately more fulfilling: hermit life or living in public. But I have a feeling it will be most rewarding to have a bit of both. Imagine getting to have this amazingly rich inner life that no one knows about, but also selectively sharing parts of your life online in a way that connects you with other people, provides value, keeps you inspired and engaged, and feels rewarding (hopefully!)
When we live in public, we also invite other people to do the same. We can eradicate shame around things that might feel vulnerable, embarrassing, or bold at first. Plus, there’s no need to be hidden to enjoy all of the private splendors of life like working with your hands or getting lost in a good book.
Can you get the best of both worlds?
Right now I’m in a season of doing a mixture of hermit life and still showing up online publicly (at least on this blog right now!) And it feels really good. I’ve landed on the fact that no one really cares what you’re up to, how often you show up, or even how perfectly consistent you are. But when you do show up, it’s like ‘cool I liked that content.’ Or ‘That’s a really nice photo. Glad she’s doing well.’ No one really cares and if they do…chances are it’s a positive feeling and not a negative one! I don’t think any of us are walking around with a million villains following our public lives on the internet rooting for us to fail. So showing up online isn’t a huge deal. The only thing that matters is how it makes YOU feel.
Try out this mantra:
I trust myself to find what works for me in every new season of life.
What about you? Do you have this inner debate? I’d love to hear from you at kasia@kasiamanolas.com.
