Why Pregnancy Made It Clear to Me It Was Time to Leave Social Media
During pregnancy, I’ve been asked a lot, “Do you have any food cravings? Any repulsions?”
I always joke, “My only repulsion has been to my cell phone!” But it’s true.
As I was writing why, I found there’s something primal happening in my brain during pregnancy that is leading to more protectiveness, privacy, being present, keeping special people close, going inward, and finding true sacredness and connection. From a more frontal lobe perspective, it’s about becoming the mother I’ve always dreamed of becoming.
Here are a few reasons why my cell phone and social media have become more distant for me:
Being on my phone is overstimulating. Pregnancy changed my biology and nervous system. I prefer calm, peace, and slowness. Cell phones are not that. They lead to overstimulation, being hyper-attuned to dopamine fixes like a junkie, and constant connectedness that leads us to be disparate from ourselves. I’ve become a more primal version of myself — a cavewoman who does not know what to do with this machine anymore.
People who are scrolling on their phones have become unattractive to me. I’m not sure if 'attractiveness' is the right word. But it’s just … a turn off. I have started mentally noting when people pick up their phones out of habit or carry them with them everywhere they go. Similar to the above, I’ve become much more attuned to the present moment and who is in front of me. I want to have real conversations. If my husband is on his phone and mine is in a drawer…I’m like, “Hi! Hello! Will you be present with me and play?” I think some of this is the primal brain. I want my husband’s attention perhaps now more than ever. My deeper urge is for both of us to be fully focused on our family, on this change unfolding before us. I’m grateful for how present he is, and I can see how my own step away from my phone has shifted him, too. Presence ripples outward—it changes not just me, but those closest to me..
Life is too good and too short not to be IN IT. I feel like I’ve waited my whole life to be pregnant. I want to be hyper-present, aware of the sensations, my baby, and my connection with the baby. Looking at influencers, reels, sweaters to buy, I don’t know. The whole thing started to feel like a cheap imitation of life and just not the real thing at all. Real life is so much better. It’s like eating a juicy cheeseburger after being fed cardboard. You can’t untaste being present—even if it’s completely mundane. You just want more of it. I think a lot of this has to do with almost dying in April, as well. Life could end at any moment and I would be remiss to spend any of it on social media.
I don’t want to be a parent who is glued to her phone. I don’t know if you’ve hung out with any kids from Generation Alpha but they don’t care for texting and they don’t want their picture taken, etc. They want their parents to be in the present moment, not photographing it. They want their parents to put their phones down. We teach kids not to be iPad/iPhone kids, but isn’t that what we are? I want to set a good example. I want my child to watch me read real books and be able to watch a show without a phone in my hands. I want them to know that we are not beholden to this technology taking over our lives. I want my children to enjoy books and the present moment as much as I do.
I don’t plan on sharing my child on social media for their privacy and safety. I never had clear opinions on this before, and to each their own. I feel weirdly protective of myself and my baby while pregnant. I don’t even think I will announce if it’s a boy or a girl or their birthdate. I don’t think I’ll show their face. I might have more children and not talk about it. I geek out over publishing a book one day and it says, “Kasia lives with her husband and children,” and that’s it. Does the world need to know more? Will my child be grateful they can carve out their own identity online when they want to? If I put myself in their shoes, I would be so glad that my parents haven’t been sharing me without my permission. And I would think it’s extremely badass that the world doesn’t know too much about me yet.
Becoming a mom is the most sacred thing in the world to me. The sacred is private. It’s precious, rare, and incredibly fortunate. That’s how I feel about my life. It doesn’t feel like something you share widely. It’s something intimate, for those close to you to witness. When I share things on social media, they become more of a performance (and cheaper) and less sacred. Motherhood is not a performance. It’s not something I need others to cheer on or participate in. It’s not something I need to gloat about. It’s just too good. Too sacred. Too special to me.
I’m a stay-at-home mom and the schedule that we get to live is a huge privilege. Sharing about what we’re up to day-to-day makes me feel guilty or like I’m bragging when I know so many other moms are at work instead. Many moms are at work because they choose to be and want to be, but that’s not always the case. I want to be mindful. Besides, even if the moms are at work by choice, if they see my kids and me at the zoo on a Tuesday, that just feels weird to me. What we’re up to and how we live our life (whether it’s similar to someone else or different) feels like no one’s business. And I don’t want to make anyone feel weird about what they’re up to, either. In general, I don’t think we’re supposed to be THIS connected to each others’ day-to-day lives. I don’t think it’s healthy.
There’s a lot of information online, especially about pregnancy, birth, and parenting. Pregnancy made me go inward and find my instincts. I don’t want to parent my child a certain way because an influencer modeled it to me. Parenting is innate. Giving your child (who is so unique!) what they need is your own journey. There is no template. I want my primal instincts to be ABLE to fully kick in and with influencer mom crap, I am worried that just wouldn’t happen. I’d be thinking about what my nursery LOOKS like and not attuned to the experience I’m having with my child. I will give points to YouTube, though: I’ve been watching birth vlogs there. It’s so helpful that women share their experiences so intimately there. Plus, it’s long-form content and educational. I don’t plan on vlogging my birth, but I have greatly benefited from the many women who share their stories. I am grateful for that content.
Being pregnant is a very vulnerable experience. What if something goes wrong? I don’t want to explain that to everyone and their mother who has seen it on social media. My world has been turned upside down by my health before. I’m so lucky that getting pregnant and being pregnant are easy for me, but I am aware this is technically a high-risk pregnancy. I’m aware that every pregnancy is such a precarious time. I’m sure every expectant mom feels that way, wondering: is the baby ok? It’s a mysterious journey.
Social media distracts me from my deeper purposes. It can be alluring to follow the crowd. We are naturally so social and want to fit in. We want to see ourselves fitting into the fabric of what we see online. Influencers model to us what our homes should look like, our clothes, and our travel itineraries. But I find through that noise, it’s harder to feel into what I like. What is my personal taste? My preference? I miss the days we all just lived our lives and had no idea what anyone else was up to! The 90s! Ha! There’s a magic to taking a family vacation and no one knows about it besides your family and close friends. There’s a magic to getting pregnant and only telling a few people who matter to you. My deeper purpose in this life is to be a mom, wife, family-oriented woman, and to be a writer and creator. I’m here to nourish myself, my family, and my close community. I haven’t found a sense of deeper purpose on social media, and therefore, it is just a distraction. For others, I do believe they find deep purpose and a sense of mission on these platforms. That’s completely valid and real. It’s just not for me.
It’s more meaningful to stay in touch with people who matter to us—without the lens of social media. When I meet up with friends, I genuinely don’t know what’s been going on for them and I find out in person. It’s fun to hear about people’s lives the old-fashioned way. We receive Christmas cards, phone calls, and in-person gatherings that are rich with updates on what is genuinely new with everyone. It can be weird to not be hyper-connected via social media, but also really magical. It has also helped me see that I can only have a few special people in my life. Social media exaggerates that we can be “connected” to so many people, but we really can’t—not deeply. It feels like a greater compliment now if I know what’s going on in someone’s life.
I’m not deleting my accounts or saying I’ll never be back, but for now, it’s felt really good to go quiet and inward. I’ve felt this way before being pregnant, too. I wrote about this earlier in 2025: Hermit Life or Live in the Public Eye?
This is a debate that has been within me for a long time…how do you show up as a writer while preserving your privacy?
The act of writing (as I have done here) has revealed so much of myself. And yet, I have not shared a photo. You do not know the gender—but I’m laughing about that because neither do I. So anyhow, this tension lives within me and I’m sure I’m not the only one. This is the latest unraveling of my desire for privacy.
The birth of my child is inching closer to me, yet motherhood is already here. As I write this, I feel my baby kicking and I’m reminded:
Life is lived with your closest people.
It is not meant for anyone else.
And when you’re gone, it’s these people who will carry your legacy—holding the memory of who you truly were, and loving you beyond the end.
